He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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