God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
