highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
