my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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