Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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