I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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