about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
