dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
