I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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