You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
