we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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