i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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