Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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