also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
