Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
