He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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