One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you have feelings for this penis?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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