We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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