I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
