This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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