We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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