Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
