i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
