Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
