My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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