Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
