But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
