Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is the high leading the old right now
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
