I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
