No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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