It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I skipped work to stalk him.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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