There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
