I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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