My pussy is not your playground.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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