apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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