I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
