whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
