I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
