If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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