I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
