After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
