I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
