You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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