the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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