he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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