There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
