i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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