we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
