the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
