I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
