Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
