One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
