please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
